What a long, strange trip it's been

Let's keep this up.
-Me.

i have a strange relationship with the number four.

A few years back, driving home to Virginia, I stopped to use the restroom at a gas station and was greeted by one of those odd fortune-telling machines that really has no place being in a public restroom. On a whim, I decided to cough up the quarter required and eagerly awaited my "future." I honestly don't recall what any of it said except for the lucky numbers. Usually these things give you a couple of different numbers, I guess so that you have more reasons to feel lucky if you come across them. All I got was 4 4 4. Not long after, I seemed to just happen to glance at the clock in my car or my phone at exactly 4:44pm. This happened more than once, and still happens to this day. I've never really read into these sorts of things, but I notice 444 whenever it pops up anywhere, which tends to be receipts, order numbers, and anything else you could really think of. The number follows me. It's not always 444, because now I even pay attention to a single 4 or the double, 44. For whatever reason, 4 has become my number. I like it. I really like it.

Tonight, it made another brief, unexpected appearance. So, I won't be counting to five.

and we both take our revenge, but we still won't feel any better.

Finishing up my lesson plan, listening to what is perhaps one of my most favorite records to just take in, +44. I don't think I ever realized how beautiful the song "Chapter XIII" is. Breathtaking.

threes.

I am allowing myself precisely two and a half hours of sleep before waking up, working on my lesson plan and heading off to Austin East at oh-eight fifteen. Not bad at all.

Or maybe I won't be sleeping much as I replay conversations from the past four hours in my head endlessly. Who saw that coming?

listening: blink-182; "always"

two.

I always feel that once I make it to Wednesday I have survived the week. Really, my Wednesday night class is so enjoyable and with such amazing people that its always a relief to be there. Then Thursday is actually pretty fun right now with the time I'm spending mentoring/observing at Austin East. Friday is my day off, which has been amazing. So yeah, it is now Wednesday (just barely) and I'm feeling reasonably chipper given the time. Okay bye.

day one.

I'm tired and probably a little bit grumpy and incredibly ready to get home and crawl into bed. I am proud of myself for using the evening to clean up the apartment and make it feel a little bit more homey. Not a bad day.

Okay bye.

But in this black eyeliner, you'd like finer with each day in hiding

something for valentine's day

Should they catch us and dispatch us
to those separate work camps
I'll dream about you, I will not doubt you
with the passing of time
Should they kill me, your love will fill me
as warm as the bullets
I'll know my purpose, this war was worth this
I won't let you down
-Say Anything

Yeah honey, I was proud of you

Whoever I was then, I can't ever be again

I don't worry half as much as I did
When I was an experiment
Your resident tourniquet
Life's now about how you're left waiting, just waiting
I am the mantel and you're a painting
Come rest your frame on me
I was a tower and you were the airplane
We happened before
We knew what was happening

Man that was ages ago. (Taking Back Sunday)

[Her] name is Aramis

As per my checklist from the last post, I took full advantage of my day off and went to Slumdog Millionaire. I'm not even going to try to fully explicate on what I'm feeling right now, but I can completely relate with the comment Rachael left on the last post about it being emotionally straining. There were several times throughout the film where I felt as though I'd just been punched in the gut, but I think the emotional payoff is more than rewarding. I'm pretty much in awe of the story, but even more so in the way it was told. I'd really love to get a copy of the script, just to see how certain things were written.

I'm not going to ruin the plot here, because honestly I hope if you haven't seen it you'll soon find the oppurtunity. If you care enough to read my blog (or Notes if you're reading this on Facebook), then you're probably the type of person this film will really speak to. The relationship between Jamal and Latika is agonizing, yet so profoundly wonderful. I think its that part of the movie that really gripped me (and probably most people), but even more so as I relate it to my own recent and amazing/heartbreaking experiences (for those in the know). I saw the beauty of their own world, removed from everyone else; something that I fully relate to. And that is not even going into the film's discussion of what it means to be family and specifically brothers. Jamal's brother, Salim really drives the story, much in the way Darth Vader was really the main character in the Star Wars movies, as proven by the entire prequel trilogy focusing on Anakin Skywalker, who I happen to completely understand, especially his fall. You rooted for Luke, but everything hinged on what Vader was doing. Salim is complicated; terrible and wonderful at once. Please see this film. Then get coffee with me and talk it over. :)

Also, I've been listening to (and thinking a lot about) Two Tongues and trying to figure out what I wanted to say about it. I've decided on casting my unofficial vote for "Crawl" as the best album opener ever, at least in the way it sets the stage for everything that follows. Too many times, records are a disjointed mess of songs that have no coherence, just radio hits. Two Tongues mostly abandons the "sing about the girl" concept present in most emo-punk-rock-whatever and focuses instead on a passionate friendship between two males (Max Bemis and Chris Conley) who idolize each other's music. The female drama is in there, but only as a cue for the guys to break down and relate to each other. "Crawl" begins with the very simple, but probably my favorite opening lyrics ever: "Wait, don't go with him." I'm reminded of the older Taking Back Sunday records in the dueling vocals of Max and Chris throughout the album. Just knowing the very public battle Max Bemis has had with bipolar disorder lends the often distraught lyrics a real sense of credibility.

A particular moment I want to share from the record is the back and forth sort of singing conversation between Max and Chris in "If I Could Make You Do Things." The words are simple, but I don't know, it just really means something to me. I love this record.

Max: Put down that needle now
Chris: I wanna live life underground
Max: I'm here to pull you out, please don't turn away
Chris: I don't have much to say
Max: Say it anyway

Okay, bye.

Chia-like, I shall grow

I'm wrapped up in the orange and white blanket my grandmother knitted me as a graduation present last spring because it is positively freezing in my apartment. The cold air does not leak, but rather floods in through my very old, poorly insulated windows. Thank you for a very cold Knoxville morning. In less than two hours, I will begin my fifteen-hour observation project at Austin-East HS. I'm definitely excited about getting in there and getting in the mindset in which I'll need to be for next fall's internship, but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't some nervousness. I am, however, very excited about wearing "teacher's clothes" today. I hate being overdressed for my classes, but I feel better when I know I look good. Silly yeah. About a week ago, I had one of those 'oh sh-t' moments as I realized that I'd have to be at school Monday through Friday at 7:30am for a potentially very long time. I told my dad, to which he replied "Well yeah..." . I'm a little slow sometimes.

I'm still determined and quite honestly more interested in developing my writing and turning it into some sort of sell-able or otherwise form of barter, but right now I'm feeling pretty content in having the ability (and certification) to teach. Of course, there is nothing saying that I can't or won't manage to do both. Speaking of writing, I've managed to really refine an idea I've had for a sort of historical zombie novel that would trace some of the principals and ideas in the birth of our nation, but in a post-apocalyptic, zombie brain-eating way. In reading M.T Anderson's Feed as well as some of the other amazing novels we've been reading in my YA class, I've become increasingly interested in the idea of writing for adolescents. So there's that and also continuing to play with the script I turned in as my final project for Larsen's screenwriting class.

Another thing I've been thinking over is this need for me to get out more and be a little more active in developing new friendships, rather than just relying on the old ones all the time. I have a very bad tendency to insulate myself and shy away from new experiences, which is something I really want to get away from. Many times I've let World of Warcraft interfere with cultivating real-life friendships as well, so I consciously decided to quit the raiding guild I'd joined that was occupying a lot of my time during the week. Something I really need to work on is a healthier balance of the things I invest myself in. I should make a check list.

Which brings me to "things to do." I promise myself to finish Snow Crash this week and to get out and see "Slumdog Millionaire" and "Revolutionary Road." If you're interested in seeing those, I would love the company. Lastly, please go see the 2009 Vagina Monologues at the Clarence Brown Theater next week during one of the show dates (8th, 9th and 10th at 8pm). My very amazing and talented friend Heather directed this year's show, which not only serves as an eye-opening experience of the many issues faced by women worldwide, but helps to stop violence against women in donating proceeds to Safe Haven women's shelter. Please spend the $5 and two hours of your evening to support this fantastic event.

Farewell.

It's a metaphor, fool

There's a man assigned to me and he checks on my stability
We discuss you every week then I rinse and rinse repeat
He charges by the tear, until I weep no more
Strictly out of fear that I can't afford your love

Rachael sort of inspired this blog post. As did months of endless frustrations and let downs. Thanks to Max Bemis of Say Anything for always making sense.

Two Tongues debut album...

Is out one hour ago and I've got it downloaded from iTunes just waiting for me to get off work and start listening to it. Excitement level is high.

Half of the time...

I don't make much sense. Especially in text messages. Someone should take my cell phone away from me.