The finest line divides a night well spent from a waste of time.

So I have a ton ton ton of stuff I need to today because I blew it all off over the weekend. If I don't write it down where I can easily find it later, I'll probably forget something. My memory tends to not be very great.

• Classroom Management Plan Paper (6-8 pages)
• Journal Reflections (for this week and last week)
• Take the Ed Psych online exam
• Revise our lesson plan draft

Okay so that's only four things, but some of them are going to take a long time. Honestly, I planned to do so much work yesterday but ended up just listening to music and dancing around my apartment (and scaring the heck out of luna) instead. I didn't even play WoW, which I'm starting to get bored with anyway. I feel like I need a lot of attention and get bored with things really easily. Ugh.

This is why most other video games are boring.

You're pretty average yourself.

I feel like I need a break from myself.

Once you've tasted it, that's all you want to drink.

I don't feel that I'm very materialistic usually, but oh boy are there times when my desire for stuff spikes into the stratosphere. I just wish it was a little more spread out, because this fall there are so many things I want and nowhere near enough funds to pay for them all. Usually when the holidays roll around my folks ask what I'd like and I have absolutely no idea. This time around...I think I'm all set. But this blog isn't really just about strategies for acquiring all the phat lewts I want; more just about all the cool little things that are going to excite me this fall.

• Son of a Witch: Volume 2. A big thank you to Heather for telling me about this one. Wicked and Son of a Witch are two of my favorite novels, so this one is a no-brainer. Comes out Tuesday, which means another week of not doing my readings for class. Awesome.
  
• Fallout 3. It's been a long time since I've really been interested in a console game and If I had a Wii I probably would have gotten into Mario Kart all summer, but alas, I went the PS3 route. Now, I'm glad for it. Fallout 3 looks amazing. Post-apocalyptic world. Completely choose your own morality. I mean really, you can do whatever you want to achieve your goals.
• Wrath of the Lich King. I don't even know where to start with this one. Arthas, the Lich King. Tons and tons of material for lore nerds. Northrend. November 13th. Midnight release.
  
• Quantum of Solace. The day after WoW's upcoming expansion drops, the new Bond flick hits theaters. I know some of you disagree, but Casino Royale is my favorite Bond movie ever. I keep hearing that it just ripped off the Bourne films and I don't really know about that, but I do know that I found Jason Bourne to be a pretty bland character. One of my favorite scenes from Casino was the shower scene where James just sits with Vesper and comforts her as she falls apart. This is a new, deeper and more emotional Bond. "I have no armour left. You've stripped it from me. Whatever is left of me - whatever is left of me - whatever I am - I'm yours." I'm sorry, but Craig > Connery, Moore and Brosnan. I try not to think about Dalton and Lazenby.
• JCrew. Seriously. I'm into clothes on and off, but right now the interest is definitely on and I love JCrew. I really, insanely like sweaters, hoodies and jackets. Oh and its quickly becoming the time of year for them. Honestly, I want this entire look. Gah I want new clothes.
  
  
  

I'm sorry sweetheart, I can't be the man I led you to believe that I would be.

Jessica and I have just about finished our first lesson plan (which is really just a mock-up of a lesson plan), but its still an exciting "first" and if I may be so bold, a pretty cool assignment. Basically, we had to come up with a lesson that sends students to the web for research in order to meet certain National Educational Technology Standards (NETS). So, we've tasked our imaginary students with creating an "art gallery" by finding art samples online that they feel relate to a number of quotes from The Great Gatsby in order to create visual connections with the themes of the novel. Rather than us telling the students what to think, it allows them to create their own meanings in a way that is personally significant. As I was looking for decent quotes to use, I found something that is personally significant to me:

"He wanted to recover something, some idea of himself perhaps, that had gone into loving Daisy. His life had been confused and disordered since then, but if he could once return to a certain starting place and go over it all slowly, he could find out what that thing was"

I feel like I've mostly been in the same sort of place for a long while now; like I've given away something that can't be returned or recovered and I'm still trying to gauge the significance of what's been lost. Hopefully the fact that Jay Gatsby is shot to death by the novel's end doesn't have any implications for me, although the literary nerd in me finds it tragically appropriate. This weekend pretty much confirmed that there are no easy answers and maybe no answers at all. The problem is, I'm not content with "I don't know."

no more runnin', i aim to misbehave.

So Mal and Inara love each other, but because of a number of awkward circumstances surrounding the situation treat each other as though they cannot stand one another and bicker all the time. I've never seen that happen before. Yes, I'm blogging about Firefly again. Only four episodes left...then I need to get the movie, Serenity. Lord, I love this show.

everybody dies alone.

GAH! This episode (Firefly - Out of Gas) is so good. Seriously. It's things like this that inspire me to tell stories. I'm ecstatic.

there's no place i can be, since i found serenity

Firefly is not only the best sci-fi I've ever seen, but the best show period. Simply put, Firefly is a science-fiction western. The mix is odd, but endearing. Please, watch it.

Spread love like violence.

I oscillate. I know that. And it often makes little sense to anyone but me, which is fine. Right now I'm thinking about how much I love Angels & Airwaves, but really only came to this realization after going back and listening to all the old Blink-182 albums for a few days. It's amazing to see such progression both musically (of which I understand little) and lyrically (with which I feel a greater connection). I love these lines, "I can hear you breathe / I'm feeling the shake / and sound of my heartbeat." I love simple, honest, emotive lyrics.

I'm feeling very positive, hopeful and okay right now.

I thought we could wait for the snow to wash over Georgia and kill the hurt.

I don't know why I even try to make anyone happy. I only get feedback when I'm disappointing. Fine. I get it. I'm not what you want me to be. Just give up on me already.

Filled with fire, I'm drinking gasoline to make it go faster.

Friday. Comic books. Little Caesars. The mall (oh so high school). Miniatures. Best Buy. Eric's apartment is amazing. A slightly still hazy Friday night, although I think Eric and I entered into some sort of business contract together. After that is blurry, all I know is that it cost me $40. Stuart MIA. Saturday. Sleeping. Headache. Loaning clothes and thus being an integral part of a successful job interview. McKays. Blink-182 cds. $20 Final Fantasy Tactics...almost. Laura in from Chattanooga. Very yum dinner. I love when people cook for me. Make note to return favor. Political musings. Narrowly avoided Sassy Ann's. Stuart still MIA. Sunday. The Complete Works of Shakespeare (Abridged). Funniest, liveliest show I've seen yet at the CBT. I love the lab theater. Erin played Stars, "The First Five Times." I bristled with excitement. Three Epics. Fifteen Badges. Learned to tank Heroics. First ZA. Oh yah, and I got internet. In my apartment. Yes. All things considered, a relatively successful weekend. The first weekend I haven't wanted to end in a long time. I still miss you.

Yeah we're stubborn and melodramatic

It was pointed out to me that I'm not very good at "being still." I know, I'm not. I struggle with just letting things happen because I always have this nagging feeling that if I don't try to keep things going they'll just fall apart. I don't know. I know I'm being vague, sorry.

I want life in every word to the extent that its absurd

I'm somewhat obsessed with dying. I don't mean afraid of dying. What I think concerns me the most is the mess I'll leave behind. I think of all the little things I've left undone and I don't mean finishing up school or stories even. Sure I worry slightly about the state of my physical affairs and what sort of impression or responsibilities I'll be leaving for others, although I tend to think that my friends and family will not be too concerned with my dirty dishes or messy apartment. I worry about Luna. She's probably the only one that actually needs me and though I know someone would take care of her very well, I still think she'd be the one to notice me being gone the most.

Mostly I worry about the relationships where I've said or done too little, despite always wanting or intending to do more. I'm afraid of being gone and unable to reassure my friends and family that I always noticed the little things they did for me and that I was always thankful for them being in my life. I don't mean to go down this path with the intention of letting my life feel like a shadow is closing in on it, but rather as a means of encouragement; to encourage myself to be more proactive in all of my relationships and life in general. I don't want anyone to need to question how I'm feeling or whether or not I'll be there for them tomorrow, next week or next year.

Lately some of the more important relationships have been a struggle to maintain. I'm weary from the emotional strain and at times wonder whether I have anything left to give. Part of me feels broken. And yet, when I feel that my heart is no longer salvageable is when there's that little breath of air, a respite. As time goes by, I grow more attached to The Dark Knight's Harvey Dent (and will probably find a way to include TDK in my posts for a long while) and his philosophy towards life. "I make my own luck," he says. I believe in that. My supply of determination and constancy is endless because I choose it to be. In a way, that's reassuring. Not that there aren't other reassurances. Faint, but still tangible. I can believe in that.